Hitch of Breath
by DuhStar
Summary: Imagine an alternate ending to chapter 26 where Kaz opens up to Inej about his past. Imagine a tender moment between two opposing forces. Imagine their passion. Imagine that.


"Don't."

"Tell me, please. I want to understand. I want to…"

"Want to what, Wraith? Absolve me of my sins? He leered, his mind mottled by the deafening roar of the water. He focused on the bathroom's clean gilded tiles, on the smell of the soap in the water basin. Before long the waters had receded once again and something within continued silently humming _go on, go on, go on._

"You want to tell me. You know you should. I know it's nearly impossible, but I…" Her voice nearly broke, a small hitch of breath, and it was all it took to make his black eyes snap to hers. "I want you to trust me enough to tell me what happened. Please, Kaz." It was a whisper, but her words slashed through him. Trust...Inej was his Wraith. For her to ask for something he had already given her, it unraveled the solidity of their past, the strings between them.

How could he discard his armor when he could sense the dark waves beneath him, Jordi's cold body against his fingertips? He understood that revealing his memory...No, his _sickness, _ was her ultimate request. It was the last piece of himself he clung so desperately to, glued to his soul with disgust, shame, and longing.

He tried to open his mouth, to tell her everything, from the day him and his brother stepped foot in Ketterdam to the day they both died in that cold night, only a monster made up of their pieces left behind. _I know it's nearly impossible._ It pained him to know she was keenly aware her of his weakness, more than anyone else.

Kaz looked up to meet her gaze, not surprised to find she had scooted closer in the silence, her brows furrowed in concern.

"I want...to try," he rasped in a raw, naked tone. So he told Inej his story, and she listened silently.

Inej said nothing, her deep brown eyes swallowing him whole.

His heart thrummed painfully in his chest, his breathing shallow and forced, sweat beading on his dark brows. Retelling the story that engulfed him had been more painful and difficult than he could have imagined.

But he had done it. Slowly, deliberately and painfully. He had taken his armor off, piece by piece, revealing his shadow to her. Kaz took a deep faltering breath, trying to calm his nerves, to find footing, but he was falling. The waves crashed threateningly close. Inej now knew about the misery that Pekka Rollins had caused him, about his brothers death, about the cold flesh that he could still feel beneath his hands. She knew it all, and she knew he wanted to try to kill this beast within.

"Brick by brick or day by day. The effect is the same," She finally said, her voice a tether to this world.

"Now you're taking my words and making them into proverbs? That's new," Kaz joked, his voice weak and pathetic to his ears, but the waves finally silenced.

"You want to try," said Inej, taking a tentative crawl forward. "And that's enough." He hung on to her words like they were his last coil of rope.

She shortened the distance between them, and his lips seemed to tingle with the memory of her skin. Kaz leaned back against the wall of the bathroom, sitting with his legs spread out before him, Inej making her way closer in between them. She was not touching him yet, but he knew it was coming. He tried to focus on the dried blood on the gauze on her skin, imagining the bursts of red as flowers. His chest felt tight, he could feel the heat from her breath as her face drew as near as it had ever been. It terrified him to not know her intentions. Or was that exhilaration?

_I want_. He could feel the words weighing on his tongue like melted chocolate, burning, painful, sweet. Those words bloomed in his mind all at once, his heart faltering, his panic spreading, he was unable to silence it.

Her legs brushed against his, sending a jolt up his spine. Yet, the ghastly faces did not haunt him. The waves crashed a safe distance away. Something had changed when he had broken his silence and let her seen the monster he truly was.

Now she was so close he could smell the rain in her hair, and an underlying delicate sweet scent, familiar enough for him to know it was her scent.

"Tell me when to stop," she said carefully, waiting for his response. She did not move closer as she waited, her hands on the cold tiles beneath their warm bodies._ Warm,_ he thought. He couldn't speak, hoping a nod would suffice, and it did. Inej's legs pressed against his, and he bit down on his bottom lip_. _It only served as a momentary distraction from her warmth touching his bare skin, his body's attempts at recoiling weaker than ever before. Before he could get used to the feeling, Inej pressed her smooth lips against the nape of his neck. He braced himself for the wave, but all that came was a heat, one so powerful it threatened to burn him up, each goosebump a warning and a welcome.

He shuddered as she traced her lip along his collar bone; her lips were like molten lava against his skin. Kaz felt like a true thief, robbing every detail of this moment. Her brown hair brushing against his chest, their breathing matching, hot breath for hot breath. She broke contact momentarily, raising her face to kiss his cheek, at the spot right next to his lips, and the world threatened to darken at the edges, the waters to his ankles.

But he could not stop her, not when every fiber of his being wanted this, no matter how exhausting it was. Inej hesitated, her lips a feather above his, and something within him burned. He couldn't hold back any longer.

Kaz pressed his lips against Inej's, her scent and warmth flooding his senses, the touch like lightning. Desire coursed through him, a thousand images he'd hoarded, barely let himself imagine—the fall of her dark hair freed from its braid, his hand fitted to the lithe curve of her waist, her lips parted, whispering his name. She kissed him back, sending his heart down a spiral he had never known before. She brought her hand up to his face, tracing his jaw with her finger tips. Every new touch was like a wave, but for once, the waves were warm, and alive, an intense but wonderful feeling.

He pulled back only to kiss her neck, tracing down to her chest. She took a sharp breath in, and he waited for her to stop him. Instead, she raised her hands to her back, untying the undershirt she wore. It slipped effortlessly from her chest, dropping to the floor and revealing her breasts.

The waves rose to his knees, but he was still here, still tied to the world by her presence alone. He continued kissing down her chest until his lips brushed against the spot above her heart, feeling the hard beat against his lips. _Alive. _

She moaned, a blush rising to her cheeks. Thunder rolled through him- A want and need. Inej moved closer, placing her legs to either side of his own, straddling him. The waters rose dangerously high, and his breathing labored, kissing her lips again. Hungrily now; He wanted to know how this story would end.

"Kaz," she whispered, her voice thick and dangerous. His body moved on it's own, his arms entangling around her waist, pulling her as close to him as he could, their heat a constant pulse. "Inej," he answered, his voice coarse.

He slipped his hands against the loose shorts she wore, and she tensed against him, rubbing her body against hisfingers_. Saints,_ He thought wildly, the water up to his neck now, but he didn't care, he only cared about _her_. She twisted her hips in his hands, helping him slip off her shorts, her lean body quivering. He was drowning; In her scent, in the soft hum of her breath, in the smoothness of her gleaming brown skin, he was drowning in all of her.

She was naked now, and the scales had tipped. Inej had a bemused expression on her face as she wrapped a precise hand around the bottom of his shirt. "I like that look on your face, Brekker," she said in a tone that drew him mad. He let her tug the cloth over his head, the waves crashing above him now, he couldn't breathe.

"Breathe," she whispered, and he did, her body pressed against his, so much skin, but he was breathing, he was alive, he was here with her. She was real and so was he.

His hands moved down her body and she grabbed them into her own hands, a twinkle in her eye. She placed his fingers in between her legs, and he let out a soft moan when he felt the wetness there.

The waters drowning him became bearable as he massaged her softly, his fingers clumsy, careful, yet passionate. He could feel her tightness around them, her body moving in a way that made him throb.

"Take your pants off," she breathed into his wide chest, and he obliged, his bare skin touching the tiles.

They were both nude now, and he appreciated every curve and angle of her beautiful body. Her eyes gleamed as she took him in; He could feel her gaze moving over the small scars covering bits and pieces of his muscular body.

"Without armor," he chuckled, the sound cut short as she positioned herself back on his legs, her wetness teasing his head.

"Stop," he croaked, blackness in his vision, but he held on to her smell, her velvety skin, her everything. She had frozen at his word, but he took a shaky breath, steadying himself.

"Okay," he whispered carefully, gulping. His hands hung on to her waist, fingernails absentmindedly digging into her skin.

Inej lowered herself, touching her warm wet groin to him, hips rotating in a delicious way. "Fuck," he groaned, and before he knew it he had grasped her ass, tugging her down, entering her in a slow motion, her tightness enveloping him.

"Oh, Kaz," she breathed, neck tilting up, her eyes closed. Every nerve ending in his body was on fire, and he moaned as she began moving her hips rhythmically. Inej dug her fingernails into his back, new sounds he never knew he'd crave coming from her strained lips. His mouth found her neck, and something inside him drove him to bite down, softly yet with intention. He aided her movements, going faster now, his world a whirlwind of her skin and wetness and scent and presence.

"My treasure," he moaned into her hair. They breathed in unison, and he felt ready to burst as her moans filled the small bathroom. She had her fingers curled in his dark hair. "I love you," she said, their eyes locking, her chocolate eyes piercing and focused. "I love you too," he relented, the words a promise. Bright blooms of color burst in his vision as he came, his arms pulling her tightly, her back arching in pleasure.

Their story had a long way to go.


End file.
